What is masculinity? How do you define it?
I am not talking about social constructs here. I am talking about the instinctive (Survival & Replication) level. The reptilian brain level. What constitutes masculinity? It’s the opposite of femininity. It’s not what they say they want. It’s what they need and respond to. Lately, I have been in greater control of my instincts, urges and passions. I have drawn boundaries and I have stuck to them. Like channeling rage and shame into poetry. Like channeling sexual energy into work.
But that me comes across as a doormat. People often mistake my patience and self control for having a weak masculine core. Normally it wouldn’t matter. But women make the same error in judgement too. Hence I am not getting the same vibe from them. Earlier when I let my instincts run my life to a greater degree, women would feel that chemistry with me instantly. They would behave like little baby girls right off the bat. Now that my masculinity is controlled by my maturity, I am having trouble coming across as masculine enough. The vibe is missing. I do experimentally switch back to my wild masculine behaviors, and women respond in the favorable way again.
So how do you define masculinity?
More importantly, how do you come across as masculine while maintaining a mature level of boundaries? I’d like women to feel my masculine core even while I control it myself. Masculinity is convergent and feminity is divergent. There’s a whole range of words that would apply to both definitions but the point is that, because we’re dealing with such a deep, ambiguous and living thing we just can’t pinpoint it into any other word. Convergence and divergence however are the words that I see as closest to masculinity and femininity.
Masculinity is boyish when uncontrolled but manly when controlled. The mature version of me just attracts a different kind of woman… The young immature woman, quite unsurprisingly.
All the while more mature women are attracted to the boy within you! If you want the younger girls you’re going to need to be their daddy.
There are a few things to keep in mind about this…
1. It’s all about your frame right off the bat. Also known as Early frame Announcement (EFA). If your early frame is that you do not tolerate any drama at all, then that will invite women to filter themselves out quickly. Those that are childish and flakey get filtered out. I like those women. If you filter them out right off the bat, then what are you left with?
As far as I am concerned, I like wild cats. I want wild cats so that I can tame them and conquer them. That’s what is challenging to me.
In the beginning, getting a phone number was challenging enough. Now I don’t even ask them for it. They just take my phone and enter it. Overtime, the challenge has changed. Now I filter OUT the women that I initially filtered in. The tame ones. The professional ones. The ones who take dating seriously.
But most people in the community have a frame that filters out the flakey women.
This is the frame that many people in community (including the famous BlackDragon) will tell you to assume. My EFA is strong, but different. My EFA is that I am playful, and I reward them for being a challenge for me. I do the exact opposite of what the community mostly teaches.
The reason why this originated was simply this… I lost interest in women pretty soon. That was because I was filtering out all the women who really are dramatic (read feminine) in expression by my EFA. So when my EFA used to be two strikes or you are out, I only attracted the women who took this whole dating thing seriously, and not very playfully.
Now, I am like, “Hey I am having a drink at XYZ. Wanna come up?”
If they tell me they’ll be there in 15, and show up 45 minutes later, I make fun of them. I punish them, but playfully. But the most important thing is this… I still walk out at the time I had originally planned to walk out at. Even if it means she just got there. They learn pretty quickly.
So they know I am not taking those whole dating thing seriously. I mean think about it… By being pissed off (acting aloof, rude or withdrawing attention) you are simply communicating that her presence matters.
Of course by the time I start going out (just) to meet them they already know the consequences of being late. Just yesterday I was talking to a woman. She said that she’d call me back in 5. She called me back six minutes later and I said, “Oh good. you are just one minute late.” She then went on to tell me how she couldn’t even rub her facial creams properly, and how she ran straight from the bathroom to call me.
She knew that while the vibe will be still playful and fun, the amount of time I would give her is fixed. She knew I would stop talking at the end of the hour.
But the important thing is this… EFA is always playful instead of serious.
But being playful is not equal to being dorky or a doormat. That is what I was talking about when I started this thread.
I figured this out when playing with my 6 year old cousin. She would deliberately try to get my attention by picking up things in my room. At first, I tried the normal “pay no attention” approach. That disciplined her, but then she would behave all proper in my presence, and I didn’t like that. not one bit.
So I started redrawing boundaries. I reversed the punishment and reward for some time to get her back to her playful state. I’d pick her up and toss her around ONLY WHEN she did something playful. If she sat quietly, I’d leave her alone. Once again, in a few weeks, she got back to being the playful little girl. But then again picking up random things in my room interested her. She would touch my stuff, and even break things at occasion.
Now, the final challenge was to get her to behave. But the dilemma is that if you punish playfulness, then what you get is boredom. So what do you punish, and HOW do you punish.
Here’s what I figured out… If you tingle them a little, it’s pleasurable. But if you intensify pleasure, it becomes painful. So I punished her with painful pleasure. The intensity of pain keeps on increasing in accordance with the crime committed.
If she just picks up stuff and I don’t want her to, I’d tingle her. Mostly pleasurable. But somewhat painful. If she breaks something, she gets thrown on the bed, tingled hard… quite painful considering that all she can do is to request me to stop.
Same thing with women too… You punish them, but playfully. Just pick her up, and get physical. Give her no control. Tingle her hard. Make fun of her… HARD. Call her a dork, nerd, weirdo… and harp on it HARD.
You want her to become playful… Then you gotta reward playful behavior and punish the boring behavior. What do most guys do? Sit and talk. What does Roger Philip do when she wants to sit and talk?
He doesn’t show up!
I don’t show up if a woman insists on a dinner date, unless there is a subtle promise of a bathroom romp. I personally only invite her to non-boring places. Better yet, invite her to a boring place, and add the spark by doing things that are taboo.
Question: What do you do when her text replies are short and boring?
Ask yourself this. What did you do the last time when a woman sent you non flirty non playful texts? Or gave you a bad vibe?
Most guys simply get insecure and try to win her over by being witty. In other words, reward her boring/bad behavior.
What do I do? NOTHING.
Wait for her to reinitiate contact. Lead her to play land once again when she does. If she reinitiates contact herself, she will be much more playful this time. Or at least open to following your lead.
So like everything else… frame, format and reward/punishment work here. frame is that you will excuse yourself from boring company. Format is playful punishment. You reward only playful/stimulating/sexual vibe/behavior. You punish all boring vibe or behavior.
frame is that your time is valuable. Format is that your mood can never change because of what a woman does or says. So you have fun yourself regardless of if or when she shows up, and you leave at the right time, even if it means she gets only a few seconds with you.
Very often, women who show up late find me with another woman. If I need female energy, I need female energy. i am not going to wait up for a magic pussy to give it to me. I will just take it from the nearest woman who wants masculine company. And boy do they learn their lesson for a LONG time.
The bottomline is this… You gotta make sure that your OWN needs are getting met at any point of time. Respect for me and my time, affection and feminine energy, playfulness, sex, love are things I expect from women. If a particular woman doesn’t give some of those things to me, I get my needs met elsewhere.
Simple as that.
No one else was put on the face fo this planet to get your needs met for you. No one! If you remember that and look out for your own self, you become VERY attractive.
Every now and then punish good behavior also. This gets them addicted to you. This gets them addicted to behaving good in your company.
Read up on Intermittent Reinforcement more if you want. But here’s an example… A woman shows up on time five times. The sixth time you still punish her by being late yourself, or by not giving her as much attention as she deserves and has come to expect.
This gets her thinking along the lines of “What did I do wrong?” and “How do I get his attention back?”
That makes them think so much more about you… the mysterious man. That in turn makes them believe that they must be HEAVILY invested in you. As Zan says, “Women are complicit in their own seduction”
But never EVER fail to punish bad behavior.