How To Handle a Cheating Girlfriend

A reader recently wrote in “Turns out she has been talking to her ex the entire time we’ve been dating. She didn’t tell me. And when I asked her about this guy, she said he was just a friend. Took a while for her to finally admit it was an ex. She said she has zero feelings for him and only keeps in contact with him because he’s been depressed.

She then let me read their texting conversation. They talk almost daily. He calls her nicknames and the conversation looks far more flirty than her just looking out for him.

How would you handle this? I feel pretty disrespected right now and am leaning towards ending it. I dig the girl, but it feels like she’s hiding her feelings.”

How To Handle a Cheating Girlfriend

1) When always have a backup or several – especially when the relationship is fragile … that’s not a bad thing, don’t blame her!

2) Trust her … the moment you stop PROJECTING trust (read: confidence in the relationship) the relationship ends … This is the boyish type of emotions that ruins all relations normally (it’s the first things people should work on getting rid off if they want to be in deep relationships … it’s hard conditioned into all of us though) …

You shouldn’t even want to read their private texts … it does not matter ….

You would deal with it like with all boyfriend destroy shit: basically take his sides of things … so you kind of stands up for him (authentically) and she will naturally confirm why they broke up, and what a loser he is compared to you …

I will even say stuff like “they guys sounds like he has a hard time … perhaps you should visit him for a day or 3, give him a little comfort and a good blowjob … I have allot of work to do these days anyways so would be cool with me … just fucking brush your teeth before you come home to your real man again” …..

The reaction to this sort of things (when it’s authentic) is always the same … they go nuts “you are sooo fucking disgusting, you really think I would suck anyone else than you off … you are such a JERK …. never say stuff like that again … JERK!!!! ” …. and then they kiss you, have sex with you …

Another thing, – now she did let your read it, normally I would not … but you can kind of team up against him together …. so you will say … “okay let me help you out here darling” … then you text him the most flirty message from her phone to him …. and break up laughing …. don’t give her phone back, let her try to pull it off your hand … all while you give the guy a good flirty time …

Again her reaction will be intense anger … (BUT deep down they fucking LOVES it!: it confirms here that she is with the right guy) …

Remember this … in absolutely all cases where a girl breaks up with a guy she otherwise is attracted to and like … it’s because of jealous emotions … it’s that nagging bugging he keeps putting on her … it’s that frame … that emotions … he can’t keep himself from plowing into …

If you want to keep her, all you have to do is not to do that ….

They relationship did not work out the first time … she might still care about him (and that’s okay … stop the idea that your girlfriend should only care about you … and that you should only care about your girlfriend) …

It’s funny but these EMOTIONS you are having … IS what needs to be worked on for the relationships to work!!! IT is the ONE and only CHALLANGE in being able to hold a relation really …. the smallest vibe of feeling wronged, and the relationships is on it’s way to be over… it’s not the things she does, it is YOUR emotions ….

Seriously … there is ONE way to always get another guys girl … it works every single time … you make him feel wronged and jealous – you keep that feeling going – and he will ruin the relation in no time!!! – If you can’t make a guy feel those emotions, you simply can’t steal his girl …

Get Your Emotions In Check

3) SO first thing first: get your emotions in CHECK! and do it FAST! …. take a vacation from her for a week if you have to … whatever it takes to get your head and your emotions handled … if you can’t you will lose her ….

Then you do the opposite of what you are doing now: you pump all the good emotions into the relationships you can …. you constantly confirms the positive in the two of you … you make sure the two of you have a great fucking time ….!!!

4) NOW if lack of attraction is the problem … you might have to do what roger says: even to the degree of breaking up with her … stay totally out of contact for 3 months … then seduce her back (or just move on) ….. but if attraction is fine … if she stills gets wet over you … then that’s not the problem … (he is right that most guys kills attraction in their relationships though) …

5) Remember this thing will happen in any relationship … if you ever want a fucking awesome relationship … you need to master this situation …. I will say that for the last 10 years or so, I have been so hardcore at this … that I even deal with it, before any relations starts … it’s so deep imbedded with me … and hence I NEVER have these types of relation problems AT ALL (even though I was always amazing with women, I had those problems when I was young and to emotional on these things … I ruined a very valuable relation over it … and I just decided to get it under control) … it haven’t ever been a problem since…

You have to put the laydown on that one. Tell her to cease communications completely…it’s not acceptable and it’s not right plus she’s been lying to you. What else is she lying about? She will need to make it up to you somehow. How you handle this will determine how happy you want to be in your future As far as I know I have never had a girlfriend cheat on me …

Dealing With A Breach of Trust

It’s a pretty serious breach of trust. She is 23, has a very small sexual #, and I’m her second boyfriend. It’s also early in the relationship. She did come clean about everything and was pretty upset–I may give her another shot, but I will definitely be seeing other women.

It has nothing to do with the things you frame it to be… It’s putting her in a cage because you are to insecure to trust that she really wants to be with you instead of everyone else… It’s conditioning of values that are insane (but as most boys are conditioned with)…

In fact it sounds like you have already killed it… this relationship is 98% already dead (it might take a little time for both of you to notice it though)… and I would say it’s to late to do something about it now… You can fix the issue in your next relationship though…

Understand Personal Boundaries

Now as for personal boundaries, see them as a wall around a person: Your boundaries and hears are separate, and have nothing to do with each other … having healthy boundaries has to do with what you let inside your own wall …. as soon as you start limiting (and decide over) her boundaries is when you create a prison for her … and that’s what destroys most relationships …

Now most guys victimize themself … like if someone say something they don’t like to hear, they will say “that guy crossed my boundaries, it hurts” = no … that’s’ you not understanding where the perimeter of your own boundaries starts and stop …. = This is really key to getting good with women (and people in general), because over time, there is nothing more repelling than someone who thinks they are entitled to control you and what you do (when it has nothing to do with them)…

Now something girls wants their man to control them … and then you have to do just that … but that’s something else … it’s not slavery when you choose to give yourself away yourself…

There might be things that feels to you like she is walking over you, but that’s not what’s going on… The reason you feel that way has to do with you not her ….

It’s based on something that is totally invisible to you … part of yourself you can’t see …And it has everything to do with your own insecurities and ego…

The very idea that she will walk over you, unless you restrict her in friendships with ex-bf’s, other guys and so on … is in fact nothing but another expression of this all together … it’s fear of loss basically …

Restricting people in doing things that has nothing to do with you … because you feel bad about them doing them … has nothing to do with your boundaries … no one is punching you in the balls here (neither physically nor mentally)… It just feels so to you, but the pain and fear you feel, is something you, not she creates … *like when someone makes a painting of a profit with a bomb in the hat … and someone feels so much pain over it, because they feel it as an attack on their honor* …

You can’t hold onto a women by demanding that she stays or stays faithful … that’s something only she can decide and if she will or not – depends on how she feels about being in relation with you … Also you can’t blackmail her into it either, neither by threatening to leave if she don’t do the things that pampers your feelings or anything like it (that never works out long term) …

The problem with not having those emotions fixed

The problem with not having those emotions fixed, is that you will sabotage every relationship you will ever get into basically  (I read you already doing that in your posts) – (or the girl will cheat on you due to it, without you knowing)… You will confirm the wrong frames over and over and over again … instead of the right ones … and no relationships can stand the test of that over time … not if the girl have high self-esteem and is really hot anyways …

Well again, you won’t grasp this before it’s to late …But I’m sure this is the main problem guys lose their girls over …

As for talk about psychological structure … you need to keep your eye on the ball!

It’s about making a strategy, that gives you the best relationship …

Not what fulfill your conditioned beliefs and feelings the most, so:

As for boundaries I have tried to explain it to you twice ..

You are drawing a boundary around her … ! and telling her not to cross it!

=> you can’t do that and make a relationship work … in fact you can’t do that without ruing the relationship over time!

– I hope you get the difference between drawing a boundary around her, and trying to control it …

– And then controlling the boundary around yourself ….

The first is fatal for any relation, the second is a sign of health …

I will tell you for a fact when I have wanted to seduce a girl that has a girlfriend (and when I was younger I have done that way to many times)… that will be exactly what I will make him do … and every single time, it will ruin the relationship … every time! When a guy tells his girl not to flirt with me, not to see me, not to sleep with me (add your own threat if she does) … well then that’s exactly what ends up happening … every single time, without exception!

Now if the guy just maintain his cool (that’s very rare)… then there is nothing you can do to destroy it … but as soon as you can make the guy act this way … then you can steal the girl away easily…

So for your options:

1) So you restrain your girlfriend’s boundaries because you fear she will ‘be unfaithful’ … so end ends up ding it … and you will break up with her due to it …

You just sabotaged and destroyed your relationship … FOR WHAT?

For not feeling a feeling you didn’t like …

Now that’s insane!!!

It’s what everyone in our society is conditioned to do, we learn it from Hollywood, religion, and how we think of marriage and so on … but it’s fucking insane …

Seriously, if the two of you love each other … and have both chosen to be in relationship with each other …

THEN WHAT DO YOU FEAR

That she will ‘think’ of another guy while she gets herself off in some sexual fantasy? …

Why is that a problem?!

Why does it even matter?!

I could understand if she fucked every guy she came across and smelled of other guys seamen all the time….

It’s you that is egoistical … you want to be the center of your girls life, everything she has to do has to be around you? …

Well here is the thing … the choice should be hers … not yours!

And back to the goats … it just works the other way around ….

The funny thing is guys that think like I do … like truly to the core of who they are … well their girlfriends’s will very seldom cheat …. at least of you choose a good girl to begin with!

2) That is called emotional blackmail …. it does not work!

You can’t force a girl to FEEL this way …. just because you want her to!

At best, she will just cheat around your back … or she will just find a new bf that lets her breath!

The goal here, should be to have a relationship where:

SHE does not feel to sleep with anyone else … she only wants to sleep with you … = her choice!

Simply because she feels so great in the relationship and with you, and because cheating is not the exciting “I can’t do it” thing…

NOW if she slips a single time once in a while … and land on some dick …. then what does it REALLY matter? ….

IF you had total control over your emotions and thoughts … what would it matter? nothing! absolutely nothing…!

Right now it means you will destroy the relationship over it … but why?

Because you have this horrible feelings if it happened ….

Well deal with those … they are just conditioned, they are not all that natural… and if you etc. live like I do, they would quickly go away for good…

Overall this creates a totally different relationship dynamics …

One where you does not have to control HER boundaries … where she feels free to do whatever she wants … and hence she WONT! – because guys like that is RARE! … and relationships like that is rare … and all the frames and everything will confirm it!

If you have a strong enough relationship, it does not matter who wants to fuck her …

In fact that’s only an advantage … let them do all the things for her, that you don’t want to do… again if the relationship is good enough, she won’t sleep with them anyways… and even if it happened once, she for sure in hell would not dump you for them … There is so many options for girls today, that you can’t keep them from doing something they deep down wants to do … chances are you will just never know! …

Live a life in abundance … learn to be able to let go if you have to … have a strong base where you are always fine without her: Ask yourself the question daily: “Would I be okay letting her go tomorrow if I had to” and make sure the answer is yes, every single day … From there, you need to assume the strong position … that is every little micro calibration in you, have to radiate:

– “We have the worlds strongest relationship, no one is a threat ever… I laugh of other guys trying!”

– “I’m the worlds most secure man, who cares if she fucks some other guy … I know he will never threaten my position in anyways”

– “She is a free bird, I don’t need her around more or longer than she wants to … ”

– “Being with me is the best this girl can be with … ”

– “I don’t want her around all the time, I have a life besides her …”

– “She should really be around others also … if guys want to flirt and do shit for her … that’s just perfect … I know who she comes down to at the end of the night” …

– “We both love each other so fucking much, and we have the most awesome time together” …

– “I’m going to get tired of her and will dump her eventually … but right now it’s fun and great”…

That is the reality you basically have to live in! In my experience it’s the only way to hold a perfect 10 … have always worked for me anyways …

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